« THE DIRE NEED | main | CAILIN »
2021
I'm a man of the people, and as such I like to impart the wisdom that I have accumulated over the years from time to time. Not so much because I like you, but more in hopes that on that remote day that you find me in bed with your girlfriend, sister, mom, or pet alpaca you add some tenderness into the subsequent beating I am sure to receive. It's like an insurance policy for assholes.
Thus I give you, after years of meticulous research:
A list of things that I have found not a single one of my girlfriends to enjoy and thus should probably avoided in the future:
* Being called "Mailbox Head."
* Responding to, "Ash, I think that we need to talk," with "About pudding? Gee I sure hope it's about pudding!"
* Requesting that naked time be put off for a few minutes to finish the current level of your videogame.
* Any story from Work.
* Practical jokes involving puppies on fire, even if they are stunt puppies.
* Introducing them to your family as, "Grandma Whiskey Pants."
* No really, don't refer to them as "Mailbox Head." Even if it seems deliciously funny at the time.